Like many people, I grew up in a broken family where the lines between love and hurt were often unclear. I struggled with the notion of love and to be honest, I did not believe that it really existed outside of the movies. My views were so tarnished that not too long ago I told a friend that to me, the concept of marriage was nothing more that a relationship of convenience; a commitment to be there and assist each other.

My lifelong held beliefs dramatically shifted recently when I was confronted with perhaps the most difficult decision of my life. My girlfriend, Sharon, finally had enough. After dating for nearly 4 years, and my repeated prolonging of any serious attempt at commitment, she sat me down one day and said that the time was now – it was either get married, or split.

This ultimately, although a long time coming, shook me to the fabric of my being. I was unsure if I was in love for a VERY long time. I just couldn’t figure out how so many people find their "true love" and seem so blissful. Practically, my relationship seemed as good if not better than most peoples', but seemed to lack that element of "love." The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I just didn't feel love.

After much thought, I realized that I believed that one had to feel an overwhelming sense of love to do loving things for another, otherwise it was unnatural and untrue. However, I decided to run a little experiment on this thesis - I decided to "try" to be in love - that is, to try and act just like those that were in constant blissful states of love, and to overextend myself in a loving manner. And much to my amazement, it worked! The more kindness I showed to Sharon, the more I tried to love her by being caring, sensitive and loving, the more I found myself falling "in love" with her.

I learned a profound lesson through this experiment - that it was OK that I didn’t feel love before, because I was simply misguided. I expected to just feel love all the time, just by being with the person that seemed right for me, yet I didn’t realize that this is not the "true love" that people speak about. Perhaps some people really do experience love at first sight, and describe just "knowing" that the person they just met is their soul partner, but to me, this is not "true love" -true love doesn’t come from "knowing" or "feeling," rather, from giving. The more caring and kind I become, the more in love I become and I came to the realization that love doesn’t just happen by luck or circumstance. One doesn’t love that which is beautiful, or that which loves them, rather, one loves that which he/she gives love to.

I learned to love through performing acts of kindness. Kindness is the breeding grounds for love! Perhaps this is a simple and obvious point, but it is one that saved me from making a big mistake and breaking up with best girl I know - the girl I now love and the girl I married on December 28, 2003.